10.13.2011

HAPPINESS IS A DEEP SNATCH







AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, 10mg Claritin, 50mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft), 25mg Lamotrigine

WOD:
21-15-9
Deadlift 155/105
Push-Up
Time: 6:33

Breakfast: green monster
Snack: red velvet cookie, fruit
Lunch: spinach and bacon soufflé
Snack: *sigh* two red velvet cookies
Pre-WOD Snack: plantain chips
Dinner: 2 eggs with 1/2 cup marinara sauce
Snack: corn flakes with soymilk and walnuts

PM Supplements/meds: 37mg Doxylamine Succinate, 25mg Trazodone, 25mg benadryl

What's on my mind:
Still puffy ... I suspect PMS, as I am also crabby and horny. Gotta love Mother Nature... I get in The Mood right about the time I've managed to alienate every living being within ten miles.
So..... soufflé isn't that bad, in terms of Paleoness (Paleonicity?). It does have cheese ... and a little flour. I'm sure you could find suitable substitutes.

What's on my iPod:
AC/DC - Girls Got Rhythm

10.11.2010

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, 10mg Claritin, 50mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft), 25mg Lamotrigine

WOD:
4 rounds of
Run 400 meters
21 G2O @33#
For time
25:30

Breakfast: green monster
Snack:
Lunch: turkey sandwich on asiago ciabatta and a shortbread cookie(Panera Bread came to demo their catering for us)
Snack: plantain chips
Dinner: scrambled eggs w pesto
Snack: corn flakes w soymilk
No, I am not being Paleo. I am avoiding a lot of gluten, especially refined wheat flour. Except for today's Panera THING.

PM Supplements/meds: 37mg Doxylamine Succinate, 50mg Trazodone

What's on my mind:
I feel really puffy, although the scale says I haven't gained weight: probably I have replaced some muscle mass with fat. *sigh* Time to stop acting like a pathetic loser.
It's been a couple or three weeks, I know - I've been a total pussy. I was going through some bullshit with my meds - they needed to up my dose of Zoloft due to anxiety and it gave me serious diarrhea.
I had a consult with a psyciatrist who put me on Lamotrigine (used off-label to treat bipolar disorder) and Trazodone (to help me sleep).
Yes, you read right. Bipolar. Not 100% sure about it, and neither is the Dr. but there are definite tendencies and straight antidepressants tend to make the anxiety worse in people with bipolar disorder.
Anyway I'm feeling more stable, happy, and I can relax my sphincter now, which is truly a relief. And I went back to DRG tonight which felt really wonderful.
I'm finally getting a grip on my negativity which had been getting pretty bad.
I was pissed at Marc a couple weekends ago and so I'd been huffily avoiding him online and going out a lot more, doing stuff, and guess what?! Instead of missing him and being all emo and lonely, I had a good time. DUH! The realization that OH, I CAN HAVE A GOOD TIME WITHOUT MY BOYFRIEND (WHY do I consistently need to be hit over the head with this knowledge??? Lame!) made me feel just a whole lot better.
OH and in Big News: I booked my flight today: I'm going to Den Haag for New Years!!! Marc is excited and happy and already planning a big NYE bash.

What's on my iPod:
Rammstein vs Cornholio

09.11.2011 Ten Years After

AMSupplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Brunch: ginormous latte
Snack:
Lunch: protein/soymilk shake
Snack:
Dinner: chicken salad
Snack: Gluten-free cinnamon cookie

WOD: 9.11 (Slightly modified from today's CFEB WOD)
For time:
9 Burpees
11 Deadlifts @ 105#
9 Burpees
11 Jumping C2B Pull-Ups
9 Burpees
11 Lunges (each leg)
9 Burpees
11 Push-Ups
9 Burpees
11 Sit-Ups
Time: 19:19

Also hiking up the hill @ Pena Adobe - 4 miles. Lau gave up towards the end but I ran the rest of the way up.

PM Supplements/meds: 37mg Doxylamine Succinate.

What's on my mind:
Feeling neglected by boyfriend. Which mostly means I need to get out and do something more constructive (and rewarding) than waiting, wondering, missing and worrying about him. Though I am kindof afraid that the more I let go, the more distant he will become.
Maybe that isn't a bad thing.

What's on my iPod:
Rammstein - Du Haßt

09.09.2011

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Brunch: coffee, Green Monster
Snack:
Lunch: salad, jerky
Snack: apple, banana
Dinner: tequila lime chicken, broccoli
Friday Nightedness: Maragaritas (2)

WOD:
Shopping for time

PM Supplements/meds: 25mg Doxylamine Succinate.

What's on my mind:
Cranky mood today. Whafuck? No real reason. Things are never as bad as I constantly make them out to be. I am getting so tired of always thinking the worst. HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?
Of course I just needed -as usual- to put things into perspective. Had a talk with The Heidster and felt better. Why, though? Why do I STILL need to be talked down from the ledge? You know ... maybe I need to volunteer at a women's shelter or man the phones at a domestic abuse hotline... to remind me just how truly lucky I am.

Mildly sore from yesterday's WOD.

What's on my iPod:
The Cure - Friday I'm in Love
Thursday I don't care about you, it's Friday I'm in Love

09.08.2011

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Brunch: coffee, Green Monster
Snack:
Lunch: chicken breast, sauteed vegetables, roasted potatoes, salad w mozzarella
Snack: apple, coffee with cream
Pre-WOD: chicken breast, salad
Post-WOD: watermelon

WOD 6:15@DRG:
AMRAP in 20 minutes:
Partner up and switch off:
One partner does Farmer's Walk (50 meter walk carrying a kettlebell in each hand) followed by 5 Push-Ups
While the other partner does A2A (Ass to Ankle) Squats (beginners may squat to a ball, or 2x55# plates)

I squatted to a ball and limited squats to about 50. Hans Florine stopped by to tell us the shade will be professionally assembled very soon.

PM Supplements/meds: 25mg Doxylamine Succinate.

What's on my mind:
Still attempting to talk myself out of Crossfitting each time. Must remember how good it feels - even when I hurt for days afterward. Nothing a little Advil can't handle.
I have not had any grain in 2 or 3 days: there was cake and brownies today and I did not partake, though I did have carby potatoes. The uh .. situation in my lower intestine seems to be resolving itself. I don't know if this is coincidence.

Had fun celebration day at work. These events usually mean a lot of work for me, but today people pitched in and helped. I really do work with some awesome people.
Have to fire caterer. They're perpetually late - that's not good customer service. Plus everything has loads of olive oil. I'm all for the good fats but seriously? Gourmet cooking consists of a lot more than just drenching everything in EVOO, mmkay?

What's on my iPod:
Beastie Boys - Sure Shot
You can't, you won't and you don't stop!

09.06.2011

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Brunch: coffee, Green Monster
Snack: apple
Lunch: none - my guts are a mess again and I was afraid I would let one rip during a G2O/H.
Snack: jerky, peanuts
After WOD: 3 oz almonds, a little slice of watermelon

WOD 6:15@DRG:
Timed Effort
A: Work up to a 1RM Squat in 25 minutes
B: 30 G2O/H 155/105
15 minute limit

PM Supplements/meds: 25mg Doxylamine Succinate, 1mg Ativan. I'ma sleep.

What's on my mind: I was in a pissy mood all day, and when I got to DRG it was hot as fuck but it felt really good to step up, sweat and accomplish something.
I found this kickass hilly hike in the Sonoma Mountains a couple weekends ago, I need to do that again.

What's on my iPod:
Emigrate - My World

09.05.2011 Labor Day

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Brunch: coffee, 2 eggs
Snack: watermelon
Dinner: chicken wrap (grilled chicken, lettuce, tomato, ranch)
Snack: egg, papaya

WOD: 1:00 @ home
WOD: 30 each for time
Pushups
Pullups
Situps
Squats
Time: 6:48
Fast and dirty.

PM Supplements/meds: 50mg diphenhydramine.

What's on my mind: I was sore for three days after Thursday's Squat-O-Rama. And the runs... a month or so ago I had diarrhea for like 3 weeks straight. Probably Zoloft-related, and now that I've upped my dose a little, it's back, along with the gurgling, bloating and cramping. Great.

What's on my iPod:
Florence + The Machine - Heavy In Your Arms
I was a heavy heart to carry but he never let me down
When he had me in his arms my feet never touched the ground

09.01.2011 I'm back

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, Claritin, 75 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Breakfast: Green Monster
Snack: Apple
Lunch: chicken patty, broccoli
Snack: baked potato chips
Dinner: post-WOD 4 oz fish with green pepper and onion
Snack: 12 oz watermelon

WOD: 6:15@DRG:
FOR TIME: 3 Rounds
1. Run 400 yards carrying the ball of your choice
2. 21 Squats touching said ball
3. 12 wall-balls
For time * DNF since I decided that was too many squats (21x3 +12x3[wall-balls involve squatting] = 99 squats) for my first time working out in months. I'm glad I held back - I'm QUITE sore today and it will be worse tomorrow.

Ok, it was warm in Concord and I was really nervous about returning to Crossfit. But it was an easy-WOD day, there weren't very many people and everyone was very welcoming and supportive. Even though I was shaking afterwards, it felt great.

PM Supplements/meds: 50mg diphenhydramine.

What's on my mind: It felt good to be back at Crossfit, and I re-joined the gym so NO MORE EXCUSES.
Scottish games are this weekend: I still think I'd like to train for Heavy Athletics. I should try and talk to some of the heavy athletes.

What's on my iPod:
AC/DC - Back in Black

06.19.2011

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, glucoasamine (1500mg)w chondroitin (1200mg), Claritin, Flonase, Microgestin Fe, Estroven, 50 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Breakfast: large half caf 1% latte, 3 eggs
Snack: Lara Bar
Lunch: Hamburger patty, plaintain chips, vegetables
Snack:
Dinner:
Snack:

WOD: 11:00@DRG:
FOR TIME: Deadlift 2500# (20 reps @ 125#)
Perform the same number of reps as deadlift (20) of the following:
1. Box Jump
2. Russian Kettlebell Swing
3. Burpees
Run 300 meters (or row 375 meters)
My time: 12:33

Ok, it was rather warm in Concord and I was rather daunted by the prospect of returning to Crossfit after my long absence. But they welcomed me back with open arms, of course, and since I can deadlift quite a lot, the number of reps for the rest wasn't that bad.
I still friggen hate burpees, though.

They had a BBQ after and I hung out, had a burger (bunless), some plantain chips, veggies and a hard cider. (Ooo, I bet hard cider is Paleo!)

PM Supplements/meds: 50mg diphenhydramine.

What's on my mind: Working out felt really good, but I am pretty sure I am going to hate it on hot summer days.
And I did rather well, considering last night's diet debauchery at the Giants game. There was a hot dog of epic proportions, peanuts and cotton candy. It was a really good time, though.

06.15.2011

AM Supplements/meds: 1 multivatamin, 2 fish/flax/borage oil caps, 81mg aspirin, glucoasamine (1500mg)w chondroitin (1200mg), Claritin, Flonase, Microgestin Fe, Estroven, 50 mg Sertraline hydrochloride (Zoloft)

Breakfast: half cup coffee
Snack: almonds w blueberries
Lunch: Paleo Chicken soup
Snack:
Dinner: Paleo chicken soup
Snack:

WOD: 4 mile hike @ Pena Adobe

PM Supplements/meds: 50mg diphenhydramine.

What's on my mind:
Saw my psychiatrist (Dr. KM) yesterday. Interesting. She says wait to see about the Zoloft. I don’t think I like it. I’m pretty sure it’s killing off my libido, and I LIKE my libido – I don’t want it to go!
She also says to totally lay off talking to M about MY problems…. give him a break. Which is pretty much the same as “stay out of the shame spiral”. I have been mostly silent about my insecurities: I need to STOP asking him stupid questions because of my stupid insecurities.
I asked her if she thought it would help to talk all this stuff out and she said “With HIM? NO. With ME? Definitely. But no, you need to give him a break or he will react by backing off.” And she is so right.

I really do like her. Talking to her gives me insight and perspective, and I had a little revelation yesterday during our session: I have to take M into account when I make decisions about our relationship; that’s a no-brainer, right?
Well, I have to take him into account all the time when it concerns him - like INCLUDING deciding whether or not to feel anxious, insecure et cetera bout him. In other words: I need to stop and think before I jump to conclusions. Like, before I get all spastic about him not answering a text, remember that he isn’t attached to his phone like I am.
Fucking A… have I always been this self-involved/selfish?

I need a ‘thing’ – like M has Cremer’s. Preferably a social thing that gets me out and about. Not a bar. Maybe a club, a walking group … a gym? *sigh* It’s 22 miles and 30 minutes to the Concord rock gym, and they are starting Crossfit classes there. You really can’t beat $67 a month for Crossfit – and I could get back into climbing. And not that I need to take him into account for everything in my life, but if I did ask M for input, he would tell me to go. As would Dr. KM, as would Ynez … and anyone else who gives a damn about me. Why am I even debating this? (Because I AM LAZY, and I would rather spend money on bullshit than work out)
I need to step up and do this for so many reasons. For me. For M, too.
I need to stop rationalizing NOT doing it. I need to drive down there after work and see the lay of the land/how long it takes to get there.
Oh, and "Hollywood" Hans Florine is the gym manager there. He previously held the Speed Climb World Record for climbing The Nose of Yosemite’s El Capitan in 2:37:05.

What's on my iPod:
Pimsleur Beginning Dutch Lesson 1
Ik spreek een beetje Nederlands